seemingly futile

its so hard and ever so frustrating when u know ur so fucked up when it comes to relationships with girls. at least the ones of the supposed romantic of nature. its fucked up because u know what u want but almost sure u will never allow urself to get there.

i keep having this fucked up reoccurring dream of smallville and tom welling and kristin kreuk. i got to believe it has long been due to my fascination with the ending of the original pilot episode when lifehouse plays this song called everything. ive always felt that that moment was a moment in time.

lately ive been listening to this song by lifehouse called blind and its crazy when a song literally embodies all that is significant.

blind by lifehouse

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
and still I have the pain I have to carry
a past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
only in hopes of dreaming
that everything would be like is was before
but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when I let you go

after all this time
would you ever wanna leave it
maybe you could not believe it
that my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you will ever know
a part of me died when I let you go
and I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me dies when I let you go