learning weird shit

a lapse in judgment leads to a violation of all the rules.

consistency and a dependent ear are new revelations.

abercrombie is to american eagle as tiffany is to generic bull shit

on and off like a spigot

dont be a bitch

follow the rules

eight below

as if i didnt already know that i was a lil bitch, after watching this movie again on bluray, knowing what to expect i bawled out even harder and longer than the first time i saw it. the only thing i had going for me was that i was watching it in the comfort and privacy of my own place. jesus, it was fuckin bad. probably the worst cry ive ever had. at the end i was literally a face full of snot and poured on like a shower. dude i couldnt even breathe cause my nose was all clogged. i seriously can only watch this movie like twice a year cause it seriously fucks me up.

dizzy died today

so today was that inevitable day. in the past year when my parents left for vacation or trips i had the pleasure of taking care of dizzy our family pet since i was 14. but i could tell his last days were coming up, but im sure he deserved a better fate.



i picked up my mom and sister from the airport this morning and when i took them home my mom found dizzy in a little puddle of blood and there were like flies and maggots on him and stuff. my mom broke down into tears and carried him to the sink to wash him but you could see he was limp and just barely hanging on. while my mom had been up in sf for the past couple weeks taking care of my sister whod got in an accident, my dad had been taking care of dizzy. and lets just say my dad is not very good with animals and with that sort of responsibility. im sure dizzy was a bit neglected. when i took care of dizzy i made sure to wake up early to feed him and force him to eat and stuff.



it was really sad. w/o getting into too much detail id been feeling really bad and nearly preparing myself for this day based on what id seeen of dizzy the last few times hed been under my care. hed lost nearly all his senses and would shriek at night out of the blue. the first time he did it, scared the shit out of murphy.



my mom decided to euthanize dizzy and i couldnt agree more. a part of my wanted to suggest it a few months ago but i just couldnt. but today... today was that day. as my mom was washing him, she was bawling cause he had maggots and flies coming out of his ears and eyes.



it was weird too, because i took my mom to the vet and i had to comfort my mom. which is probably the first time ive ever had to or felt the need to. i always thought when this day came, i would be crying but as sad as i felt, i just couldnt get the tears out. might be because im trying to focus on the good i remember of dizzy.



like that we rescued him from the pound and of a near certain fate. and he got to live another 16 amazing years. i named him dizzy once we brought him back home and the first walk, when he had to poo he did this whole spinning thing and i was like, "dizzy!" the times where i got punished in high school and my dad made me sleep on the garage floor with dizzy. the first time i drove around with dizzy in my car and he jumped out the window while i was at a light on orange and walker.



yes, i missed the better part of the last 10 years. pretty much when i graduated from high school and went on to college, we didnt have the same kind of relationship, but thats really i think when my moms and dizzys grew.



i guess ultimately it just puts a lot in perspective. that our time here in finite. to make the most what we have left. to live with no regrets.



in loving memory

http://www.dogster.com/dogs/39331

holy mutha fucks!

tonight i hit a grand slam out of the stadium. i think this one went 320 ft on the fly. it was a mother fuckin shot. i knew it as soon as it left my bat and i watched it go out as i was walking down the 1st baseline. dude, that shit was ridunkulous.

even people in the stands were giving me props for the shot. we won like 13-5 and i made all the plays in right center. i think i had at least 5 put outs, 1 being a shoe string.

after the game the blue came to talk to me and told me that it was the farthest shot hed seen ever as a ref in the irvine leagues. he also said hed never seen a grand slam. he wants to recruit me for his nationals fast pitch team. he was telling me how they travel together and everything is paid for and shit.

but seriously it was a fuckin shot for a single wall bat. and the thing is i didnt even swing with max effort. but man, it felt so fuckin good coming off the bat. but seriously, with the way ive been training the past month and if i keep it up, im seriously going to be raking. its going to be a fuckin awesome ride man. i am going to be the most feared hitter in socal. hahah

one more thing

oh yeah and if on big brother 8 i see one more fuckin scene of:

1. amber crying
2. amber praying for gods help to win
3. jameka hailing marys and crying about her love for god
4. jameka praising god
5. amber or jameka praying for gods will to win big brother competitions

i will seriously fuckin throw out my tv.

i think gods got better things to do than help you win a fuckin game show u stupid whore bitches.

it will not define me

after reading over my old xanga blog from a few years ago and nearly puking my internal organs out, i promised myself that i would never let a girl define me or my blog. but im just going to say this about the new girl in my life right now, "could this be?"

played the first game of the new season and hit a HR in my first at bat. the hardest hit ball from either team tonight playing in upper D. glad to get hthe first HR out of the way. hopefully just the first of many.

its crazy cause im by no means the biggest player on the field but i seriously hit the ball harder and further than almost everyone else ive seen except in a couple of tourneys.

so yeah, i think things are taking a turn for the better and im feeling good about the new season. i think im going to take it to the next level and im ready to rake.

im max benching almost 275 now. i can do the standing curl at almost 125. im just so much stronger than ive ever been in my life. its insane and its results are on the field no doubt. ive started doing new core exercises as well which was killing my abs but i can actually see definition now. its amazing what can be accomplished with some discipline and putting your mind to it.

seemingly futile

its so hard and ever so frustrating when u know ur so fucked up when it comes to relationships with girls. at least the ones of the supposed romantic of nature. its fucked up because u know what u want but almost sure u will never allow urself to get there.

i keep having this fucked up reoccurring dream of smallville and tom welling and kristin kreuk. i got to believe it has long been due to my fascination with the ending of the original pilot episode when lifehouse plays this song called everything. ive always felt that that moment was a moment in time.

lately ive been listening to this song by lifehouse called blind and its crazy when a song literally embodies all that is significant.

blind by lifehouse

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
and still I have the pain I have to carry
a past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
only in hopes of dreaming
that everything would be like is was before
but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when I let you go

after all this time
would you ever wanna leave it
maybe you could not believe it
that my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you will ever know
a part of me died when I let you go
and I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me dies when I let you go